I feel like my life is unbalanced.

How is it that I can take out a student loan and live on money I don't really have? I understand the meaning of investment. Good ones, bad ones, what will get a return, what won't. But even still, am I moving forward by going back?

How is it that I have to place a monetary value on my being able to spend Christmas at home? I don't want to feel burdened for going home. My plane ticket is my ticket to see my family. Why should buying a ticket make me less excited to go home? Or will I value my family time more by being able to or not being able to go home? is the question "can I afford the ticket?" or "should I afford the ticket?" or should I even ask a question?

How is it that I am almost done my education and I still feel like I'm just barely beginning to grasp how to bring a thought together intelligently and thoughtfully, slowly drawing it out on a piece of paper, grasping for words?

How is it that the world moves so quickly, that time passes without letting me mine the moment for the worth, and I'm stuck with a pick axe or jackhammer in hand, trying to mine a moment in the past as time continues to move forward? Does the time that passes while I'm jack-hammering on a earlier moment mean more because I'm mining, even though hundreds and perhaps thousands of other moments are passing by? Do we waste time mining something of little worth when something of greater worth lies in a moment that we haven't touched?

I can't be all places at once. I can't be all things at once. I can't do all things at once. But I am always at once alive.