True Fasting (cont'd)

12 Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in. 13 If you refrain from trampling the sabbath, from pursuing your own interests on my holy day; if you call the sabbath a delight and the holy day of the Lord honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, serving your own interests, or pursuing your own affairs; 14 then you shall take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth; I will feed you with the heritage of your ancestor Jacob, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

According to Isaiah, true fasting is not about one’s self, but about a perspective that seeks what is beyond oneself, which looks toward the other and toward God.

True Fasting (cont'd)

Isaiah’s passage on true fasting continues:

9 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am. If you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil, 10 if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. 11 The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail. (Isaiah 58:9-11)

Somehow our world works best when we look after each other. There is a counter-intuitive transformation that results when we begin to confront the oppression in our midst rather than ignore it, especially when we realize that we ourselves can be the oppressor. We often place yokes on others, point our fingers and speak things that work contrary to love as we grasp for help and healing. But until we give up trying to take life and light for ourselves we will never realize our ability and purpose to actually be it.

True Fasting

Isaiah 58:6-8

6 Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? 7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? 8 Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.

Isaiah 58 juxtaposes two different kinds of fasting. The first is fasting as an exterior event which seeks to lift the inner ego up. The second is fasting which becomes exterior action because one forgets the inner ego. The difference is that one type seeks one’s own interest; the second type seeks the interest of the other. So again, we ask together, what does it mean to truly fast?

I've been doing a little reflecting on Isaiah 58 lately.

We do this thing called a daily rhythm here at the university where we hold hands before meal time, listen to a reading together and then pray. Sometimes most of us are focused and are able to think about the reading, sometimes most of us are not and catch ourselves groaning over the content or presence of another reading, and sometimes some of us are just content to hold another's hand for a moment before we eat another meal.

I've had the scary privilege (... perhaps?) of choosing the readings for the last few weeks as our current booklet is a little outdated - as it turns out the Lent of a few years ago just does not line up with this year's... only off by a few weeks. hah. So, I've not only been pulling some readings together for our daily rhythm, but I have also been trying to orient these reflections in a way which engages with Lent, even if simply. I thought that it could be good to put down some of these rhythms on my blog:

Isaiah 58:3-5 (NRSV)

3 "Why do we fast, but you do not see? Why humble ourselves, but you do not notice?" Look, you serve your own interest on your fast day, and oppress all your workers. 4 Look, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to strike with a wicked fist. Such fasting as you do today will not make your voice heard on high. 5 Is such the fast that I choose, a day to humble oneself? Is it to bow down the head like a bulrush, and to lie in sackcloth and ashes? Will you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?

As we continue in this season of Lent together, Isaiah 58 provides a poignant counterpoint to the action of fasting in which religiosity is criticized and the question posed: what does it mean to truly fast?

Riding on the Wheels of Inevitability Will Not Get You Anywhere

I read a recently posted quote from a blogsite I try to follow from time to time (the blog is called Inward/Outward). The quote finally stood out to me today after I re-read it, and it actually convicted me as I was reflecting on how I want to use my time over the next couple months.

Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability. It comes through the tireless efforts and persistent work of those willing to be co-workers with God, and without this hard work time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter From Birmingham Jail (April 16, 1963)

I have just returned back to St. Stephen NB after spending ten days with Rose and her family in Saskatchewan. My time with her (which was so great in so many ways) was removed from my regular role and community in St. Stephen allowing me to take a breather, to gain a little perspective and hopefully refresh my attitude as I intern here at the university.

This quote gives a subtle critique of a habit I have: passivity. The criticism seems most applicable to me in my actually acting upon ideas and actions of value and seeing them to fruition. I looked up the definition of passivity:

Passivity
1. the trait of remaining inactive; a lack of initiative
2. submission to others or to outside influences

I often live in the ideal and have pretty good ideas of what I would like to invest myself in, but I find it unfortunately easy to let my idea's be kiboshed by small discouragements - time, inexperience, fear of failure and/or fear of people. It becomes easy to live in a state of engaging only the interest and not the substance of these ideas, to entertain the good ideas but only do what is necessary to get by. This passive submissiveness to my investment in activities of worth not only affect me, but sabatoge my potential for creativity, my ability to be an effective co-worker with God as well as my capacity to be a conduit for positive social change in my local and global community.

It hardly seems that any significant social change in history happened with little effort. Change almost always requires effort, a cost, a sacrifice, either individually or collectively. "Human progress never rolls in on the wheels of inevitability", and I will venture to say that this is true of individual growth. We do not learn to live until we are actually willing to lay down our lives, even if it is bit by bit.

Filling in Details

It's already February! So its time to begin filling in some details. I feel like I've had either no time to blog or have had writers block! So I'll maybe just begin with questions for myself and answer them.

What am I doing?
I'm currently serving as an intern at St. Stephen's University within the realm of student life. My role is geared towards actively investing my time and abilities to create spaces for students to connect spiritually, academically and relationally. This takes form in fairly ordinary ways via chapels, gym nights, small groups, community conversations, one-on-ones, and generally coming alongside students to participate and engage with them in their time at university. And part of my role is actually putting me in positions where I can be personally challenged to grow as well. As a student at SSU, one is challenged to think and to engage with the world around them. This intern position is to be an extension of what an SSU student goes through. I get the chance to participate in an academic and spiritual community which takes faith and living life well seriously. I get to be challenged to use my strengths and to confront my weaknesses. For example, I'm not one to jump up to take initiative with enthusiasm (those who know me, feel free to laugh in agreement). I love engaging with people, being able to be real with them but often lack the impetus to take initiative which can create new and different ways of doing this. So I guess this internship role is perfect in being able to challenge me in that.

How does all of this actually play out?
The intern position is part-time right now so only about half of my week is designated to formal and informal time spent in my internship role. Because of this I have needed to look for some outside work and have landed a spot on a local construction crew which gives me one day of work a week. I have also recently taken a Teacher's Assistant position in two history classes here at SSU. Depending on students and activities, I'm actually putting hours into my internship just about any day and any hour of the week; this, paired with living on campus has made me realize the need to have some boundaries and places where I can feel like I have life outside of the university and student life - which I believe is necessary for personal and mental health! But... I haven't yet found the balance.

How am I doing? a self-assessment.
This is a bit of a loaded question right now, but one I think I need to ask myself and be fairly open about. As far as my role as intern, I think I am actually doing quite well. I see myself in process, learning better how to be open and real and engaging with students each week. And honestly, this is something I would want anywhere I found myself working or being, not just this internship. But I think I get to encounter different situations being in this role, in this place. For example, some students are in an international studies program and this semester these students have been required to create a variety of forums for engagement in things they are learning. One group is partnering with an inter-faith dialogue that will be happening in this area. Another group is hosting a "Glocal Symposium" to create awareness and participation in global and local (hence "Glocal") issues and initiatives that are important to this community and the worldwide community. I get to participate with students as these events unfold and help things happen where I can. Just being involved in these types of activities allow me to engage with students AND the community AND the world around me. So good.

Another example is just being part of students processing through their life and their faith as they make it their own. I realize more and more that I often think that because I am in a particular "role" then I am the one with something to offer. But I'm finding that in so many of my conversations I have recieved just as much or more than I have "given". It's been amazing.

I've been reading a book called The Powers That Be by theologian Walter Wink. In it he discusses systems of dominance in society and the effects of such systems as well as Jesus' interaction with the social systems of his time. He highlighted one point that stuck out to me: the implications behind Jesus washing his disciples feet. Wink points out that in Jewish society during Jesus' time, washing feet was so lowly that a master could not make a Jewish slave to wash someone's feet. Yet Jesus, in a position of authority as a teacher (his social role) and as God incarnate, subverted the system: he reversed the teacher-student and master-slave role and began to wash his disciples' feet.

How does this relate to my experience? It's easy to come to a situation with a sense of authority, a sense of "I'll show you how this really works". But man, I have some experience and some knowledge... but don't have it all together! And if Jesus, God incarnate, humbled himself to wash his disciples' feet, whom am I to present myself as teacher or master when I meet or interact with others? So I suppose you could say I've been humbled, I'm becoming more real. My time spent with students has allowed me to see the strengths in others and acknowledge it better. It's also shown me our habit as people to try to have it all together when the truth is, its ok to be broken together, to allow God's grace and redemption to be.

On a different note, but back to the question I started with...
Another thing thats been on my mind lately, and has been affecting my role and my thoughts is the distance and tension I feel being apart from my girlfriend Rosie right now. Rosie stayed in Saskatchawen in January to get some health issues with her thyroid cleared up. She had planned on coming back to St. Stephen soon to find work and be close to friends here at SSU, but two weeks ago they discovered that the nodule attached to her thyroid might be cancerous and so she has had to wait and begin a process which neither of us anticipated. A short time has turned into a long time and a small health issue has turned into a larger one. She has been scheduled for surgery next week. So if you think of it please pray for her, for healing, for strength, wisdom and peace. And I know I would appreciate prayer to, for strength and wisdom and peace as I try to be supportive of her and active in my role here in New Brunswick, a long distance away. We're both trying to see the positives in this, but its been a bit overwhelming at times.

Thanks so much for your love and prayers.

Back, and Forward!

Well, I came back.

I can probably say that in regards to a few things (back to blog... bear with me as I get into writing again), but I mean back to New Brunswick and back to St. Stephen's University.

It would be good to give a brief picture of what my life has been like over the past 5 months.

It was in August that I returned to Three Hills from 2 months of travelling and studying in Europe. By the end of the month I had written my final Europe assignment which meant I was officially finished all of my undergraduate reading and writing. I then spent two weeks travelling through Alberta and BC with my wonderful girlfriend Rosie as we visited family and friends, lovely people who neither of us had seen for a while. It was a great trip catching up with old and new friends and taking in some beautiful scenery (and wonderful hospitality too). In September I followed Rosie back to St. Stephen NB to spend a month closeby before she left for her Asia trip. During that time I helped at the university by setting up the classroom space for the students travelling to Asia. Before travelling to Asia, the students go through a four week intensive which requires them to be in almost 6 hrs of classes from Monday to Friday. Each day I would make sure the room was ready to be used and that coffee and tea would be made to make tired students happy students, and maybe a little more eager to learn. I also acquired a part-time job at a local Bistro where I served meals and made specialty coffees (which is something I've wanted to learn how to do for a long time!). In October the students left for Southeast Asia and I remained for the next month, working and trying to stay involved in the community. In November, shortly before I returned to Alberta, a few staff, faculty and friends gathered and celebrated with me in a small office at the university as I was handed me my official Bachelor of Arts degree! It was a last minute decision to return to Alberta, but I came back mid November to look after the farm and feed the cows while my parents were away on holidays. Christmas came and went (and it was such a great Christmas with the family!) and now in the New Year I find myself ... living in New Brunswick yet again!

So why am I back? Well, because I consider it a step forward.

In November I was offered the chance to take part in an internship that the University was newly creating, one which would give the opportunity for alumni to continue to be more involved in fostering the spiritual, relational and community life that happens at SSU. As details were worked out and as I prayed and talked to family and friends about the opportunity it became clearer to me that the internship aligned with what has been on my heart to do and maybe more-so what I need to be challenged into doing as well. I decided to take on the opportunity presented in the internship and for the last couple days have been trying to get re-settled and find my place once again in this amazing community. I'm still trying to understand the whats and hows of my role now; its something new to the university and to me as well, but I'm excited to see what unfolds!

I know this update is quite short. I want to write more, fill in some details, but its getting late and I just want to get something out and onto my blog! I'll try to keep you updated as I become more settled into place and into the internship!

Morning Worship

This morning in worship at church I was reminded of a childhood memory. (I've been thinking back to my childhood a lot lately, and have been pulling up, almost redeeming, all of these great memories. Each time I think of one I consider it a favourite, but there is getting to be too many for favourites...!) What triggered my memory this morning was seeing the kids in the few rows ahead of me. They were sitting with their parents, some just beside, some sitting right next to mom or dad, putting their small weight on dad's arm or mom's lap. Then there were the little one's, probably around or under the age of one, just being held close to mom or dad or maybe having been passed to another, spreading the joy and care of the little one.

All this reminded me of my own experiences as a child, being able to be in complete comfort and rest sitting beside my mom or my dad, resting my small body on their presence. Sometimes mom and dad would encourage me to engage and sing, to hold the hymnal or do the actions with the kids songs. Sometimes mom and dad would get me in trouble for acting out or being distracting. Sometimes they would just let me close my eyes and rest on them. Sometimes mom would have some gum for me to chew in her purse, or even better a pad of paper and a pen which I could write on or draw pictures. Sometimes I would play a finger game with dad, the one in which I would try to quickly put my finger under dads thumb and he would try to catch it.

Why did all this come up, why did all of this mean something to me today? This past year its really been on my heart that our morning worship service is corporate, that we are there together as a group of people: we sing together, stand and sit together and the musicians play together. But I often wonder how together we are? And it's not so much a question of are we together, but that I've been feeling like whatever together we have, there should be a little more or to a greater degree. Often I see people raise hands in worship, I do this too sometimes. And yes, as I said we sing together and in a sense raise hands together. But, when the music is playing and we are singing, I more often have the urge to put my arm around the friend beside me and praise God together in joy and friendship... or let my arm be a comfort, of love and solidarity, or sometimes I long for the arm of another to come around me when I'm feel low and dry and broken. I've had this urge over the past two years, but few times do I follow it through, it just seems a bit foreign in the usual ritual of morning worship, to be able to do this casually and naturally.

I guess seeing the kids resting and being with their parents this morning reminded me of this comfort of love I had during worship as a child, and of the longing I've had to be more at one with the people around me during worship. One of my favourite times of my day here at university is before meals, when we all hold hands and have a reading together and then pray together (not your typical university, I know eh?). It's a ritual we all participate in whether we are having a bad day or a good day, whether we listen to the prayer or not. But it brings us together. We are not islands, and even if we sometimes feel like we are, we are still connected by the embrace of the sea.

Meaningful Readings...

I wanted to share some more readings that have been impacting me. There are a bunch of readings here in one go, but each of them, I find, inspires me in the kind of life I would like to live with the people close to me and those I encounter everyday. Again, the readings are taken from Celtic Daily Prayer, and from the Aidan Reading on October 13.

It is your business and other's to go forth, confronting them face to face, for that is the only way of bringing them to Me. For when you are face to face with them, you love them, and once you love them, then I can speak through you.
(From Molchanie, by Catherince de Hueck Doherty)

His love that burns inside me
impels me on the road
to seek for Christ in the stranger's face
or feel the absence of His touch.
('Aidan')

Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
(George Eliot)

If your heart is right with my heart,
give me your hand,
the right hand of fellowship,
the right hand of brotherhood.
If your heart is right with my heart,
give me your hand.
(no reference)

I said that this is the kind of life I want to live, the kind of life I long for. Being able to be open and real to the people I meet, to somehow be a representation of goodness to those around me, and to be able to see Christ in the people around me, or to recognize his absence and be part of bringing his presence to wherever I am. But I often feel like I'm not quite there. I'm so much in process. I think it needs to be a process though. It's not something that just happens. It's something that grows inside of us, our attitudes and in our relationships and slowly permeates into the many parts of life. I've been getting excited about the moments when I can sense these desires becoming reality in my everyday, and it seems like these moments have become much more noticable lately.

Highs and Lows

I don't usually summarize my days. But I think need to tonight to be able to come to terms with it. Today was an amazing day. One of those kind that I can look back on and play the "highs and lows" game with sensing a great deal of weight in each the highs and lows. It started out with my morning class in my professors living room. Meeting every Tuesday morning, with a great book to discuss and an amazing group to discuss with has been constantly a highlight to my week. The course is called "Contemporary Themes in Religion and Culture" and is an in depth look into the important interplay between the church and the ideas of postmodernism. This class constantly moves me. We watched a short film clip called "The Butterfly Circus". I think more people should watch it. It's simple, well done, and as we discussed in class, presents two ways in which the Christian Church can function in our world.
This afternoon I lead a short time of worship for chapel, which really isn't that notable except for how much I actually enjoyed leading it. Later, I sat outside and read in the sun... in February! I had a sleeping bag and was sitting under a veranda with the sun beaming right on me, but it was the best place to be at that moment.
This evening a group of us students involved in drama went to a local nursing home to give a casual performance. Being there and singing was fun, but as we were leaving a few of us stopped to chat with some of the seniors, I think this was the best part aside from just being able to be there.
Aside from these things, being with friends throughout the day was an immense blessing and at times really difficult. Not because my friends were difficult, but just walking through difficult times with others and recognizing the strugglees in my own life. I'm not going to describe the lows. But they are there for me to remember. I think I need to give them more acknowledgement today, for whatever reason. Maybe so that I remember that real days come with highs and lows.

I was taking some much needed time for myself this morning and realized how meaningful a few readings have been to me over the past year. Maybe more often than I would like, I find myself in a state where I feel mentally and emotionally crippled. And often this state has come about because I have spread myself too thin across too many situations or too many people. I thought it would be good to put a few readings that have meant a lot to me as I reread them when I take the occasionaly quiet time I need.


Taken from Celtic Daily Prayer, Aiden Readings, December 22

His thoughts said:

My longing is to heal the broken and the weak, to defend the maimed, and to lead the blind to the sight of the glory of the Lord. My choice is to be a corn of wheat and fall into the ground and die. Then why these waverings?

His Father said:

Too much of your surface is exposed to the breath of every wind that blows. You must learn to dwell deep.

And the son who had wavered answered humbly,

Renew within me a settled spirit.
Establish me with Your directing Spirit.
My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed.
I will sing and give praise.

~ Amy Carmichael

In quietness and rest this home is a vessel.
A vessel which carries life and being, but does not limit its function, malfunction or growth.
As I rest here on the couch I hear the gentle whirring of the dishwasher, lulling the quietness of the warm air in this house, as it makes clean the lesser vessels which held the well prepared dinner just enjoyed.
I can hear the gentle rumble of the stove, with its slow creaking as its metal expands; this vessel of fire which keeps the air warm, which can take a chill out of a cold room, a cold body, sometimes even out of a cold heart.
Above this, but gently, I hear the voices of two generations, though time and experience divide them; they are cooing to each other. I can hear grandmother gently holding, and grand-daughter reaching out to time and experience. For a moment the two seem as one, both intertwined with the other, grandmother drawn to be child-like and grand-daughter grasping for grandmother's experience. How we grow with and into each other in mysterious ways.
We are vessels of life, of hope and love, of growth and brokenness, of quietness and strength, vessels that carry light and warmth, in this furnace made of skin, of tender enduring material, which stretches and creaks with experience and time, that gives light and warmth for those nearby to enjoy, to stand close to and heal, to find nourishment in the feast of company and love, to cleanse and wash each other through water and tears and sometimes fire, to hold and to shelter and to bring together. How we grow with and into each other in mysterious ways.
Yet though we are the vessels of light and life, we are not the light itself. We are the vessels. Yet, we are more than vessels.

"There are many who love God and wander in the wilderness; I will follow the one who loves the persons made by God."

I've been writing papers and exams over the last couple weeks now and have come across so much interesting information! I wish I could subject everyone to it.

This quote I came across today. It comes from one who some call Islam's most outstanding thinker, Mahummad Iqbal.
(ref. Muhammad Iqbal, Bang-e-Dara (Urdu)(Lahore, 1962), 151)

An Advent Prayer: The Second Sunday of Advent

I usually end up forgetting about Advent until partway through the season. It's easy to get swept into the busy fray, especially with final papers and exams, and not take the time to soak in this season. But each year, as I am pulled into the Advent celebrations, I find more and more value in it, in meditating on the themes brought up, especially in my community here in St. Stephen. It' more than recognizing an event that has happened in the birth of Christ, marking a Christian holiday, spending time with family and focusing more on Christ. It is all of these things in more or less ways, but I think I am learning that it is also being deeply aware that Christ is still becoming present and working in and through people, our communities and in each of one of us. The time of Advent is a time of anticipating this presence. One of the members of our community, Rachel Barham, wrote a prayer for the second week of Advent and it emphasizes this anticipation of the presence of Christ in our lives and the life of the world.

We wait with Mary for Christ to be formed in us,

Daring to trust this hidden womb-weaving,

And treasuring the smallest signs of growth.

As Mary took heart to see

the wondrous swelling of Elizabeth’s belly,

So the burgeoning life of God we see in others

encourages us that this sacred life grows also in us.

More and more, we long to bring Christ into the world,

Though we know that pain and labour accompany the birth of new life

As surely as joy and wonder.

Groaning and waiting,

Pregnant with hope and desire,

We prepare today a place for your coming,

Son of Mary’s womb, and Christ of our own hearts.

I feel like my life is unbalanced.

How is it that I can take out a student loan and live on money I don't really have? I understand the meaning of investment. Good ones, bad ones, what will get a return, what won't. But even still, am I moving forward by going back?

How is it that I have to place a monetary value on my being able to spend Christmas at home? I don't want to feel burdened for going home. My plane ticket is my ticket to see my family. Why should buying a ticket make me less excited to go home? Or will I value my family time more by being able to or not being able to go home? is the question "can I afford the ticket?" or "should I afford the ticket?" or should I even ask a question?

How is it that I am almost done my education and I still feel like I'm just barely beginning to grasp how to bring a thought together intelligently and thoughtfully, slowly drawing it out on a piece of paper, grasping for words?

How is it that the world moves so quickly, that time passes without letting me mine the moment for the worth, and I'm stuck with a pick axe or jackhammer in hand, trying to mine a moment in the past as time continues to move forward? Does the time that passes while I'm jack-hammering on a earlier moment mean more because I'm mining, even though hundreds and perhaps thousands of other moments are passing by? Do we waste time mining something of little worth when something of greater worth lies in a moment that we haven't touched?

I can't be all places at once. I can't be all things at once. I can't do all things at once. But I am always at once alive.

Lobster Fishing

It will be two weeks ago this coming Wednesday that I had the amazing opportunity to experience an essential part of the Maritimes. I was invited to be a fourth man on a fishing boat on the second day of lobster season.

My Wednesday began at 5 am. My International Studies professor, Lois, and her husband Dale live on Deer Island, an island that is a short ferry ride off the southern Canadian Atlantic coast, part of the Bay of Fundy. I had driven there the night before in anticipation of the early morning and long day. One of the primary occupations on Deer Island is fishing, and I was waking up early with Dale and others from the island to join them in pulling in the nights catch.

The day before Dale and the crew (his son Judson, Judson's friend and a classmate of mine, Kyle) had baited and dropped the lobster traps (300 of them!). As the traps rest on the ocean floor, the bait attracts the lobster and they get caught in the cage, "trapped" until the cage is hauled up and the lobsters removed.

Hauling in the cages was our job that Wednesday. And because it was the first catch of the season it was also one of the most important. The cages are attached to a rope with a buoy on the end of it (sometimes the rope is up to 50 fathoms or 300 feet long). The rope retrieved by hooking the buoy and then fed into a hydrolic pulley which begins pulling up the cage. Once up the cage is then emptied of its catch (lobster, fish, crabs, sometimes pop cans), re-baited with fresh bait and dropped back down into the ocean.

The lobsters are kept, obviously, but only those over a certain size. Rubber bands are put on their claws to keep them from fighting and injuring each other when they are stored in their crates. It was my job to put rubber bands on the lobsters and pack them in the crates while Dale drove the boat and Judson retrieved and re-baited the cages. We worked on the boat from around 6:30 am until 5 pm, moving from buoy to buoy and pulling up each cage. By the time we headed back for the harbour we had managed to pull up 295 of the 300 cages and about 2000 lbs of lobster!

Some might be interested in what side affects I felt from a day on the ocean. Well, sorry to disappoint, but I found my legs and stomach were quite solid. It was a beautiful day though, with calm water and the only major waves being the ones that the fishing boats were making. I may or may not have fell into the bait box a couple times when I lost my balance banding the lobsters. I also lost feeling in my hand about halfway through the day from using the banding pliers so repetitively.

It's funny to think that an animal which was once thought of as a bottom feeder, and not to be eaten unless at last resort, is today one of the more popular and expensive dishes. The coasts of New Brunswick and Maine are well known for their lobster. An article I read from back in 2007 pointed out that lobster is one of Canada's most valuable seafood resources, with live lobster generating anywhere from 400 to 600 million dollars in revenue per year. The last couple years have been tougher with catches lower than usual. He said the catch we pulled in that Wednesday was good for an average year. Dale said prices for live lobster were low now, but he still seemed optimistic. Like many fisherman, Dale counts on the various fishing seasons throughout the year. Lobster season opens in mid November and closes mid January, and then scallop season begins and others follow. Canada's fishing industry is important to the many maritimers throughout New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, PEI and Newfoundland who depend on the fish and lobster each year.

During my time here I've experienced a lobster "feed" a couple of times. I think it takes some getting used to. For any who have yet to experience it, eating lobster is interesting and messy work. If done right it tastes great, and the experience quite unforgettable. Here are a few pictures from the day on the boat and also one from from our lobster feed earlier this year.

Birthpangs

"Not too long ago a priest told me that he cancelled his subscription to The New York Times because he felt that the endless stories about war, crime, power games and political manipulation only disturbed his mind and heart and prevented him from meditation and prayer. That is a sad story because it suggests that only by surrounding yourself by an artificial, self-induced quietude can you live a spiritual life. A real spiritual life does exactly the opposite: it makes us so alert and aware of the world around us that all that is and happens becomes part of our contemplation and meditation and invites us to a free and fearless response."
- Henri Nouwen (Reaching Out)

The lectionary readings from today (1 Samuel 1:4-20; 1 Samuel 2:1-10; Mark 13:1-8) carries a common theme of contrast; it connects the reality of brokenness found in the desperate and mundane of our world to the realizing of a fuller life and fuller humanity. What we would see as lowness, brokenness, destruction holds with it the actualizing of promise and life.

In the 1 Samuel passages Hannah's barrenness and the social humiliation that comes with this becomes a turning to God and the birth of Samuel. In Mark, Jesus describes to the awe-struck disciples the destruction of the temple, the turning of the great stones that were so remarkable to them. "When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed" Jesus says, "this must take place but the end is still to come". He goes on to describe that nations and kingdoms will clash, that the earth will have natural disasters - "this is the beginning of the birthpangs." I thought "birthpangs" was an interesting word choice. Especially in light of the other two readings about Hannah's barrenness and the promise of Hannah's own birthpangs.

Altogether, it made me wonder if the point is that barrenness, breaking and clashing is actually a necessary part of a fuller life. Not to forget that Christ brings the life more abundant through the breaking of his own body, that the symbol of our association with Christ and the community of believers is the breaking of bread and wine of crushed grapes.

Read the Nouwen quote again, and ask ourselves how we should live in this world.

The Sleep before the Spring

So we watched a good short video in class yesterday.

Like it or not, we are getting close to Christmas again. There are a lot of things I personally enjoy about this time or year. I like the cold and the snow, and the going inside and warming myself by the fire or having a cup of hot chocolate. I like sitting around the living room with a good book while there is a snow storm outside. I like the crisp air, the blanket of white, the season where the land seems to sleep before it comes alive again in the spring. I value the celebration of our quiet hope that comes in the Incarnation.

There are a few things about this time of year I could do without though. The shorter days, I find it harder to wake up in the morning without the early sunlight. I don't always care for the way my hands loose all feeling after doing chores on the farm because its so cold and my "circulation" isn't very good. But probably most of all it unsettles me when I'm walking down the street on November 1st and find that suddenly all the Halloween pumpkin grimaces and candies have been replaced by smiling snowmen and "gift ideas". I understand that people want to celebrate, decorate and give, but it is the way this is propagated and commercialized... it seems like we are in a sense selling our souls and buying something else instead.
I think that inwardly I find greater value in the winter season than all that currently detracts from it, but I feel the need to reiterate some of what we talked about in our class discussion yesterday.

We were talking about globalization and the impact of the dominant system of capitalism that our western economies and lives function on. The short video we watched in class cuts to the issue of consumerism and gives a brief look at how unbalanced our spending habits are when compared to some of the real needs of people around the world, especially in light of why and how Jesus came (and sadly how this consumerism is especially prevalent during the season of Christmas). Think about it. Just as encouragement to live simply, spend time meaningful and learn how to support habits in our society/culture that either create inequalities around the world or ignores them. Here's the link to the 2008 video on youtube and a link to the site, the movement is called Advent Conspiracy:
2008 video & Advent Conspiracy Site

"We don't know how to be generous if it isn't tied to commercialism..."

How true is this statement, in my life, your own life and in the wider context of our communities, nations and world we live in? I realize that not everyone links generosity to giving money, or buying something for someone else. But for me the underlying idea here is that our society's economic structure has an influence on our relationship and even our morality. I'm not making a call for everyone to react dramatically and drastically change the way they spend money, though maybe this is what should happen. But think about. How can we live a life that does not support the habit of materialism and easy gratification that is entrenched in our Western culture? Gratification. It is so easy to get something, anything in our culture, to be instantly gratified. Shouldn't it be that our relationships and morality have the greater influence on our society's economic structure, and not the other way around?

Let's not sell our souls or put them to sleep during the winter. I want mine warmed by the fire of hope, joy and love.

I accept you, long distance living

I have recently been struck by the thought that in my lifetime of 23 years I cannot recall one time that I have gone on hungry because of the lack of something to eat.

I tried two nights ago to find something more to write after that initial thought. I think it stands for pondering just the way it is.

About a month ago I moved back to New Brunswick after spending two months in Alberta, helping with seeding and yard work on my parents farm. During those two months I was involved in two weddings (one being my brother Darcy's), took a road trip to BC with my friend Caleb (who entertained me with experiences from his hitch-hiking excursion from New Brunswick to Alberta), climbed two mountains, rappelled into a cave and among other things, generally spent some much needed time catching up with family and friends.

It really was a much needed time, especially after having just spent two month in Southeast Asia. But it also highlighted some of the difficulties with having roots in two sides of the continent (and beyond). In a small way I wonder if this isn't what many missionaries and international workers experience when they come back home after a long time giving much of themselves and being given so much in another place, often with little to connect two worlds that they are very much a part of, but two worlds that have few other bridges to the other. I sometimes can't help but feel like I'm living two lives, both of them meaningful but in worlds that are disconnected.

I'm slowly getting better at finding ways of connecting home-life in Alberta to home-life in New Brunswick, or at least finding ways to let the differences be. It's great to have friends from out east come to the farm. In some small way it proves to myself that all my academics and fun on the coast are a reality even when I'm in Alberta. And in the same sense, when friends and family from the west come out to the coast it makes me remember that I really am from the prairies.

Differences are differences. There are obvious admirable characteristics that make the coast 'the coast!' and the prairies 'the prairies!'. In each I have found a unique beauty in nature and the joy in community. A question that has been getting me in the last couple years though... 'can someone be a full person in two places?'.

Whoever I have become in one place, with all of the people and experiences that have poured into me, gets carried with me to next. Maybe the better question that is really underneath this is 'what is a full person?'.

Travels in Southeast Asia

I recently returned from a travel term in three countries within the region known as Southeast Asia. Like the trip to Europe I went on last summer, this one included a full semester of courses, and 32 people traveling together as academic pilgrims. We spent approximately 7 weeks living and studying in the Philippines, Malaysia and Thailand. As in Europe, we were able to gain a taste of the history and culture of the countries we were visiting by being there, eating the foods, seeing the region and landscape and touring the occasional museum or historical location. The main difference between this trip and the Europe trip, besides experiencing the amazing Asian cultures, was that as students we stayed with home-stay families in each country. As well, we also received lectures from professors at Northwestern University (Philippines) and Chiang Mai University (Thailand).

Trying to keep this short for now, I think the broadest thing I learned through this experience was the sense of the unknown being filled with history, meaning and relationship. Before this term I knew very little about Southeast Asia. I would not have been able to add much to any conversation that included the Philippines. The mention of Thailand or Malaysia would have brought uncertainty of being foreign, far-off and other. But now after having learned the brilliant history of the Thai kings, or of the Spanish colonization of the Philippines, after having lived with a family whose religious faith is Islam or after having walked through the streets and markets of Laoag City in the Philippines, after treking through the rainforest to climb a mountain in the rain and after chatting with Buddhist monk about his life and faith... I no longer feel like I can see and understand countries and people from Southeast Asia as the 'other'.
And I'm glad.