Riding on the Wheels of Inevitability Will Not Get You Anywhere

I read a recently posted quote from a blogsite I try to follow from time to time (the blog is called Inward/Outward). The quote finally stood out to me today after I re-read it, and it actually convicted me as I was reflecting on how I want to use my time over the next couple months.

Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability. It comes through the tireless efforts and persistent work of those willing to be co-workers with God, and without this hard work time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter From Birmingham Jail (April 16, 1963)

I have just returned back to St. Stephen NB after spending ten days with Rose and her family in Saskatchewan. My time with her (which was so great in so many ways) was removed from my regular role and community in St. Stephen allowing me to take a breather, to gain a little perspective and hopefully refresh my attitude as I intern here at the university.

This quote gives a subtle critique of a habit I have: passivity. The criticism seems most applicable to me in my actually acting upon ideas and actions of value and seeing them to fruition. I looked up the definition of passivity:

Passivity
1. the trait of remaining inactive; a lack of initiative
2. submission to others or to outside influences

I often live in the ideal and have pretty good ideas of what I would like to invest myself in, but I find it unfortunately easy to let my idea's be kiboshed by small discouragements - time, inexperience, fear of failure and/or fear of people. It becomes easy to live in a state of engaging only the interest and not the substance of these ideas, to entertain the good ideas but only do what is necessary to get by. This passive submissiveness to my investment in activities of worth not only affect me, but sabatoge my potential for creativity, my ability to be an effective co-worker with God as well as my capacity to be a conduit for positive social change in my local and global community.

It hardly seems that any significant social change in history happened with little effort. Change almost always requires effort, a cost, a sacrifice, either individually or collectively. "Human progress never rolls in on the wheels of inevitability", and I will venture to say that this is true of individual growth. We do not learn to live until we are actually willing to lay down our lives, even if it is bit by bit.

Filling in Details

It's already February! So its time to begin filling in some details. I feel like I've had either no time to blog or have had writers block! So I'll maybe just begin with questions for myself and answer them.

What am I doing?
I'm currently serving as an intern at St. Stephen's University within the realm of student life. My role is geared towards actively investing my time and abilities to create spaces for students to connect spiritually, academically and relationally. This takes form in fairly ordinary ways via chapels, gym nights, small groups, community conversations, one-on-ones, and generally coming alongside students to participate and engage with them in their time at university. And part of my role is actually putting me in positions where I can be personally challenged to grow as well. As a student at SSU, one is challenged to think and to engage with the world around them. This intern position is to be an extension of what an SSU student goes through. I get the chance to participate in an academic and spiritual community which takes faith and living life well seriously. I get to be challenged to use my strengths and to confront my weaknesses. For example, I'm not one to jump up to take initiative with enthusiasm (those who know me, feel free to laugh in agreement). I love engaging with people, being able to be real with them but often lack the impetus to take initiative which can create new and different ways of doing this. So I guess this internship role is perfect in being able to challenge me in that.

How does all of this actually play out?
The intern position is part-time right now so only about half of my week is designated to formal and informal time spent in my internship role. Because of this I have needed to look for some outside work and have landed a spot on a local construction crew which gives me one day of work a week. I have also recently taken a Teacher's Assistant position in two history classes here at SSU. Depending on students and activities, I'm actually putting hours into my internship just about any day and any hour of the week; this, paired with living on campus has made me realize the need to have some boundaries and places where I can feel like I have life outside of the university and student life - which I believe is necessary for personal and mental health! But... I haven't yet found the balance.

How am I doing? a self-assessment.
This is a bit of a loaded question right now, but one I think I need to ask myself and be fairly open about. As far as my role as intern, I think I am actually doing quite well. I see myself in process, learning better how to be open and real and engaging with students each week. And honestly, this is something I would want anywhere I found myself working or being, not just this internship. But I think I get to encounter different situations being in this role, in this place. For example, some students are in an international studies program and this semester these students have been required to create a variety of forums for engagement in things they are learning. One group is partnering with an inter-faith dialogue that will be happening in this area. Another group is hosting a "Glocal Symposium" to create awareness and participation in global and local (hence "Glocal") issues and initiatives that are important to this community and the worldwide community. I get to participate with students as these events unfold and help things happen where I can. Just being involved in these types of activities allow me to engage with students AND the community AND the world around me. So good.

Another example is just being part of students processing through their life and their faith as they make it their own. I realize more and more that I often think that because I am in a particular "role" then I am the one with something to offer. But I'm finding that in so many of my conversations I have recieved just as much or more than I have "given". It's been amazing.

I've been reading a book called The Powers That Be by theologian Walter Wink. In it he discusses systems of dominance in society and the effects of such systems as well as Jesus' interaction with the social systems of his time. He highlighted one point that stuck out to me: the implications behind Jesus washing his disciples feet. Wink points out that in Jewish society during Jesus' time, washing feet was so lowly that a master could not make a Jewish slave to wash someone's feet. Yet Jesus, in a position of authority as a teacher (his social role) and as God incarnate, subverted the system: he reversed the teacher-student and master-slave role and began to wash his disciples' feet.

How does this relate to my experience? It's easy to come to a situation with a sense of authority, a sense of "I'll show you how this really works". But man, I have some experience and some knowledge... but don't have it all together! And if Jesus, God incarnate, humbled himself to wash his disciples' feet, whom am I to present myself as teacher or master when I meet or interact with others? So I suppose you could say I've been humbled, I'm becoming more real. My time spent with students has allowed me to see the strengths in others and acknowledge it better. It's also shown me our habit as people to try to have it all together when the truth is, its ok to be broken together, to allow God's grace and redemption to be.

On a different note, but back to the question I started with...
Another thing thats been on my mind lately, and has been affecting my role and my thoughts is the distance and tension I feel being apart from my girlfriend Rosie right now. Rosie stayed in Saskatchawen in January to get some health issues with her thyroid cleared up. She had planned on coming back to St. Stephen soon to find work and be close to friends here at SSU, but two weeks ago they discovered that the nodule attached to her thyroid might be cancerous and so she has had to wait and begin a process which neither of us anticipated. A short time has turned into a long time and a small health issue has turned into a larger one. She has been scheduled for surgery next week. So if you think of it please pray for her, for healing, for strength, wisdom and peace. And I know I would appreciate prayer to, for strength and wisdom and peace as I try to be supportive of her and active in my role here in New Brunswick, a long distance away. We're both trying to see the positives in this, but its been a bit overwhelming at times.

Thanks so much for your love and prayers.