True Fasting (cont'd)

12 Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in. 13 If you refrain from trampling the sabbath, from pursuing your own interests on my holy day; if you call the sabbath a delight and the holy day of the Lord honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, serving your own interests, or pursuing your own affairs; 14 then you shall take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth; I will feed you with the heritage of your ancestor Jacob, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

According to Isaiah, true fasting is not about one’s self, but about a perspective that seeks what is beyond oneself, which looks toward the other and toward God.

True Fasting (cont'd)

Isaiah’s passage on true fasting continues:

9 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am. If you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil, 10 if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. 11 The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail. (Isaiah 58:9-11)

Somehow our world works best when we look after each other. There is a counter-intuitive transformation that results when we begin to confront the oppression in our midst rather than ignore it, especially when we realize that we ourselves can be the oppressor. We often place yokes on others, point our fingers and speak things that work contrary to love as we grasp for help and healing. But until we give up trying to take life and light for ourselves we will never realize our ability and purpose to actually be it.

True Fasting

Isaiah 58:6-8

6 Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? 7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? 8 Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.

Isaiah 58 juxtaposes two different kinds of fasting. The first is fasting as an exterior event which seeks to lift the inner ego up. The second is fasting which becomes exterior action because one forgets the inner ego. The difference is that one type seeks one’s own interest; the second type seeks the interest of the other. So again, we ask together, what does it mean to truly fast?

I've been doing a little reflecting on Isaiah 58 lately.

We do this thing called a daily rhythm here at the university where we hold hands before meal time, listen to a reading together and then pray. Sometimes most of us are focused and are able to think about the reading, sometimes most of us are not and catch ourselves groaning over the content or presence of another reading, and sometimes some of us are just content to hold another's hand for a moment before we eat another meal.

I've had the scary privilege (... perhaps?) of choosing the readings for the last few weeks as our current booklet is a little outdated - as it turns out the Lent of a few years ago just does not line up with this year's... only off by a few weeks. hah. So, I've not only been pulling some readings together for our daily rhythm, but I have also been trying to orient these reflections in a way which engages with Lent, even if simply. I thought that it could be good to put down some of these rhythms on my blog:

Isaiah 58:3-5 (NRSV)

3 "Why do we fast, but you do not see? Why humble ourselves, but you do not notice?" Look, you serve your own interest on your fast day, and oppress all your workers. 4 Look, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to strike with a wicked fist. Such fasting as you do today will not make your voice heard on high. 5 Is such the fast that I choose, a day to humble oneself? Is it to bow down the head like a bulrush, and to lie in sackcloth and ashes? Will you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?

As we continue in this season of Lent together, Isaiah 58 provides a poignant counterpoint to the action of fasting in which religiosity is criticized and the question posed: what does it mean to truly fast?

Riding on the Wheels of Inevitability Will Not Get You Anywhere

I read a recently posted quote from a blogsite I try to follow from time to time (the blog is called Inward/Outward). The quote finally stood out to me today after I re-read it, and it actually convicted me as I was reflecting on how I want to use my time over the next couple months.

Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability. It comes through the tireless efforts and persistent work of those willing to be co-workers with God, and without this hard work time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter From Birmingham Jail (April 16, 1963)

I have just returned back to St. Stephen NB after spending ten days with Rose and her family in Saskatchewan. My time with her (which was so great in so many ways) was removed from my regular role and community in St. Stephen allowing me to take a breather, to gain a little perspective and hopefully refresh my attitude as I intern here at the university.

This quote gives a subtle critique of a habit I have: passivity. The criticism seems most applicable to me in my actually acting upon ideas and actions of value and seeing them to fruition. I looked up the definition of passivity:

Passivity
1. the trait of remaining inactive; a lack of initiative
2. submission to others or to outside influences

I often live in the ideal and have pretty good ideas of what I would like to invest myself in, but I find it unfortunately easy to let my idea's be kiboshed by small discouragements - time, inexperience, fear of failure and/or fear of people. It becomes easy to live in a state of engaging only the interest and not the substance of these ideas, to entertain the good ideas but only do what is necessary to get by. This passive submissiveness to my investment in activities of worth not only affect me, but sabatoge my potential for creativity, my ability to be an effective co-worker with God as well as my capacity to be a conduit for positive social change in my local and global community.

It hardly seems that any significant social change in history happened with little effort. Change almost always requires effort, a cost, a sacrifice, either individually or collectively. "Human progress never rolls in on the wheels of inevitability", and I will venture to say that this is true of individual growth. We do not learn to live until we are actually willing to lay down our lives, even if it is bit by bit.

Filling in Details

It's already February! So its time to begin filling in some details. I feel like I've had either no time to blog or have had writers block! So I'll maybe just begin with questions for myself and answer them.

What am I doing?
I'm currently serving as an intern at St. Stephen's University within the realm of student life. My role is geared towards actively investing my time and abilities to create spaces for students to connect spiritually, academically and relationally. This takes form in fairly ordinary ways via chapels, gym nights, small groups, community conversations, one-on-ones, and generally coming alongside students to participate and engage with them in their time at university. And part of my role is actually putting me in positions where I can be personally challenged to grow as well. As a student at SSU, one is challenged to think and to engage with the world around them. This intern position is to be an extension of what an SSU student goes through. I get the chance to participate in an academic and spiritual community which takes faith and living life well seriously. I get to be challenged to use my strengths and to confront my weaknesses. For example, I'm not one to jump up to take initiative with enthusiasm (those who know me, feel free to laugh in agreement). I love engaging with people, being able to be real with them but often lack the impetus to take initiative which can create new and different ways of doing this. So I guess this internship role is perfect in being able to challenge me in that.

How does all of this actually play out?
The intern position is part-time right now so only about half of my week is designated to formal and informal time spent in my internship role. Because of this I have needed to look for some outside work and have landed a spot on a local construction crew which gives me one day of work a week. I have also recently taken a Teacher's Assistant position in two history classes here at SSU. Depending on students and activities, I'm actually putting hours into my internship just about any day and any hour of the week; this, paired with living on campus has made me realize the need to have some boundaries and places where I can feel like I have life outside of the university and student life - which I believe is necessary for personal and mental health! But... I haven't yet found the balance.

How am I doing? a self-assessment.
This is a bit of a loaded question right now, but one I think I need to ask myself and be fairly open about. As far as my role as intern, I think I am actually doing quite well. I see myself in process, learning better how to be open and real and engaging with students each week. And honestly, this is something I would want anywhere I found myself working or being, not just this internship. But I think I get to encounter different situations being in this role, in this place. For example, some students are in an international studies program and this semester these students have been required to create a variety of forums for engagement in things they are learning. One group is partnering with an inter-faith dialogue that will be happening in this area. Another group is hosting a "Glocal Symposium" to create awareness and participation in global and local (hence "Glocal") issues and initiatives that are important to this community and the worldwide community. I get to participate with students as these events unfold and help things happen where I can. Just being involved in these types of activities allow me to engage with students AND the community AND the world around me. So good.

Another example is just being part of students processing through their life and their faith as they make it their own. I realize more and more that I often think that because I am in a particular "role" then I am the one with something to offer. But I'm finding that in so many of my conversations I have recieved just as much or more than I have "given". It's been amazing.

I've been reading a book called The Powers That Be by theologian Walter Wink. In it he discusses systems of dominance in society and the effects of such systems as well as Jesus' interaction with the social systems of his time. He highlighted one point that stuck out to me: the implications behind Jesus washing his disciples feet. Wink points out that in Jewish society during Jesus' time, washing feet was so lowly that a master could not make a Jewish slave to wash someone's feet. Yet Jesus, in a position of authority as a teacher (his social role) and as God incarnate, subverted the system: he reversed the teacher-student and master-slave role and began to wash his disciples' feet.

How does this relate to my experience? It's easy to come to a situation with a sense of authority, a sense of "I'll show you how this really works". But man, I have some experience and some knowledge... but don't have it all together! And if Jesus, God incarnate, humbled himself to wash his disciples' feet, whom am I to present myself as teacher or master when I meet or interact with others? So I suppose you could say I've been humbled, I'm becoming more real. My time spent with students has allowed me to see the strengths in others and acknowledge it better. It's also shown me our habit as people to try to have it all together when the truth is, its ok to be broken together, to allow God's grace and redemption to be.

On a different note, but back to the question I started with...
Another thing thats been on my mind lately, and has been affecting my role and my thoughts is the distance and tension I feel being apart from my girlfriend Rosie right now. Rosie stayed in Saskatchawen in January to get some health issues with her thyroid cleared up. She had planned on coming back to St. Stephen soon to find work and be close to friends here at SSU, but two weeks ago they discovered that the nodule attached to her thyroid might be cancerous and so she has had to wait and begin a process which neither of us anticipated. A short time has turned into a long time and a small health issue has turned into a larger one. She has been scheduled for surgery next week. So if you think of it please pray for her, for healing, for strength, wisdom and peace. And I know I would appreciate prayer to, for strength and wisdom and peace as I try to be supportive of her and active in my role here in New Brunswick, a long distance away. We're both trying to see the positives in this, but its been a bit overwhelming at times.

Thanks so much for your love and prayers.

Back, and Forward!

Well, I came back.

I can probably say that in regards to a few things (back to blog... bear with me as I get into writing again), but I mean back to New Brunswick and back to St. Stephen's University.

It would be good to give a brief picture of what my life has been like over the past 5 months.

It was in August that I returned to Three Hills from 2 months of travelling and studying in Europe. By the end of the month I had written my final Europe assignment which meant I was officially finished all of my undergraduate reading and writing. I then spent two weeks travelling through Alberta and BC with my wonderful girlfriend Rosie as we visited family and friends, lovely people who neither of us had seen for a while. It was a great trip catching up with old and new friends and taking in some beautiful scenery (and wonderful hospitality too). In September I followed Rosie back to St. Stephen NB to spend a month closeby before she left for her Asia trip. During that time I helped at the university by setting up the classroom space for the students travelling to Asia. Before travelling to Asia, the students go through a four week intensive which requires them to be in almost 6 hrs of classes from Monday to Friday. Each day I would make sure the room was ready to be used and that coffee and tea would be made to make tired students happy students, and maybe a little more eager to learn. I also acquired a part-time job at a local Bistro where I served meals and made specialty coffees (which is something I've wanted to learn how to do for a long time!). In October the students left for Southeast Asia and I remained for the next month, working and trying to stay involved in the community. In November, shortly before I returned to Alberta, a few staff, faculty and friends gathered and celebrated with me in a small office at the university as I was handed me my official Bachelor of Arts degree! It was a last minute decision to return to Alberta, but I came back mid November to look after the farm and feed the cows while my parents were away on holidays. Christmas came and went (and it was such a great Christmas with the family!) and now in the New Year I find myself ... living in New Brunswick yet again!

So why am I back? Well, because I consider it a step forward.

In November I was offered the chance to take part in an internship that the University was newly creating, one which would give the opportunity for alumni to continue to be more involved in fostering the spiritual, relational and community life that happens at SSU. As details were worked out and as I prayed and talked to family and friends about the opportunity it became clearer to me that the internship aligned with what has been on my heart to do and maybe more-so what I need to be challenged into doing as well. I decided to take on the opportunity presented in the internship and for the last couple days have been trying to get re-settled and find my place once again in this amazing community. I'm still trying to understand the whats and hows of my role now; its something new to the university and to me as well, but I'm excited to see what unfolds!

I know this update is quite short. I want to write more, fill in some details, but its getting late and I just want to get something out and onto my blog! I'll try to keep you updated as I become more settled into place and into the internship!